Option 3: No contact
No contact means stepping out of the relationship with your mother entirely. What it involves, what it costs, and how it compares with the other options. Information, not a prescription.
No contact is the option people talk about most online, and the one surrounded by the most judgment. On this site it's one respected choice among four. For some daughters it's the right one. For others it isn't, or isn't yet.
What it means
Danu Morrigan, author of You're Not Crazy – It's Your Mother, describes the third option as "Cut her off entirely, which is called No Contact, or NC." She's careful to define it narrowly, and careful not to rank it above anything else:
"If you have any contact at all, you are LC. Which is a perfectly legitimate thing to be. It's just not NC."
— Danu Morrigan, You're Not Crazy – It's Your Mother (DLT, 2012), ch. 5Karyl McBride, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist, describes when daughters tend to reach it:
"The decision to go ‘No Contact’ is a big one but is made when a parent is too toxic and never accountable and continues to be abusive to the adult child."
— Karyl McBride, Ph.D., LMFT, "Narcissistic Parents: Contact or Not?" (Psychology Today)What it costs, in Morrigan's words
"Going No Contact, or NC, is a big decision. Be in no doubt about that."
— Danu Morrigan, You're Not Crazy – It's Your Mother (DLT, 2012), ch. 5She names the social price plainly: "if you go No Contact, it's very possible that others – neighbours, friends, extended family – will judge you harshly for it." Grief is common too, even when the decision brings relief. Kaytee Gillis, LCSW, writes: "You have every right to feel sad, angry, resentful, or even guilty." Therapists also say the decision is rarely impulsive:
"A person opting to go no contact with a parent is almost always a last resort, and not a decision made without years and years of heartache preceding it."
— Jess Sprengle, LPC, quoted in Edie Stark, LCSW, MSc, "Parenting Without Grandparents" (Psychology Today)It doesn't have to be forever
Morrigan says "you can break No Contact at any time," and McBride notes that "Sometimes, with recovery, the decision becomes a desire for a civil connection instead." If you're not sure, McBride's suggestion of "a temporary separation" first is one more way in. You can compare all of it on the four options page.
On her own website, Morrigan sums up her stance: "Nothing in this website is about advocating No Contact, or any other action. You need to do what's right for you." That's ours too.
If you're afraid of how she'll react, or there's any history of threats or stalking, please look at the safety lines below and on our resources page before you act.
Sources
- Danu Morrigan. You're Not Crazy – It's Your Mother. Darton, Longman and Todd, 2012, ch. 5. Google Books record. (Author, not a licensed clinician.)
- Danu Morrigan. "No Contact". daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com.
- Karyl McBride, Ph.D., LMFT. "Narcissistic Parents: Contact or Not?" Psychology Today, May 15, 2011.
- Jess Sprengle, LPC, quoted in Edie Stark, LCSW, MSc. "Parenting Without Grandparents". Psychology Today, July 2, 2025.
- Kaytee Gillis, LCSW. "The Complexity of Grief With Estrangement". Psychology Today, May 2, 2023.
Guides in No Contact
What Is No Contact With a Narcissistic Mother?
What no contact actually involves, how it differs from low contact and gray rock, and what it can look like day to day.
How to Go No Contact With a Narcissistic Mother
Coming soon: practical steps without shame or pressure.
Coming soon
Guilt After Going No Contact
Coming soon: naming FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) and what helps.
Coming soon