Guilt After Going No Contact With Your Mother
Why the guilt is so strong, how to tell it from grief, and what helps on the hard days.
Guilt & grief, whatever you choose
Every option with a narcissistic mother comes with some grief, and most come with guilt. No contact gets talked about the most, but daughters who go low contact, or stay in touch on new terms, feel both too. These guides are for the hard days, wherever you are.
Two ideas run through all of them. First, guilt isn't proof you chose wrong. Much of it is old training, the sense that her feelings were your job. Second, grief doesn't need a funeral. You can mourn a mother who is still alive: the one you needed, the relationship you hoped for, and the future you pictured. Psychologists call this ambiguous loss, and it tends to come in waves, not in a straight line.
Grieving a Mother Who Is Still Alive
Ambiguous loss, why this grief is so lonely, and what helps at every level of contact.
One Year No Contact: What Often Changes, What Doesn't
What shifts in the first year, what tends to stay, a plan for the anniversary, and an honest check-in.
Grieving the Mother You Never Had
Coming soon.
Coming soon
If you're rethinking your choice
Feeling guilty or sad doesn't mean you have to change course, and it doesn't mean you can't. If you're reconsidering, try to do it on a calm day rather than in the middle of a wave. Twelve honest questions and the four options can help. There's no winning with her. There is choosing.
If grief or guilt is starting to feel like too much, please reach out: in the US, call or text 988, or text HOME to 741741. More on our resources page.
The four options → · End of life → · Holidays & milestones → · Crisis resources → · FOG the film →